Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
