perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
