respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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