Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
