You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
im holly from the hills drunk
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
sex in a hospital.. check
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
