I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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