Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
