what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
should my penis look like a turkey
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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