My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
His hands were made for my vagina.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
