he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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