best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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