My friends, they love my intelligence
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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