No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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