Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
