I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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