i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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