is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
