He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
