She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
