Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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