You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
