I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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