Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
