my room smells like sperm. sweet.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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