Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
