we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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