So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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