So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
