I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
And then my night got REAL pukey
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
