Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Randomize
