Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
