now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
