At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Let's get the cat blown out
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
