Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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