And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
