Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
my being single is dangerous.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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