last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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