We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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