Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
