he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
