i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
