i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
