theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
