i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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