shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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