She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
