Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
