I want to walk on stilts...naked
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
