I just saw a hot homeless man
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
