hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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