3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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