my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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