There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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