How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
