Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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