u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize