i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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