awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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