I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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