is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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