can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
