Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Non-Jews are for practice
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
