I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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