I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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