I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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