I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
