I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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