i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
