Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
