Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I think your dad took our porno
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
