The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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