the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
