my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
this hospital has no fireball
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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