My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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