Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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