hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
