Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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