Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
