If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
