And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
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Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
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Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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