And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
