What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
