Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
