You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
