I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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