I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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