it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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