ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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