Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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