$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
